What's the point in all this screaming, no one's listening anyway

I hate the fact that a great day can be shattered in a matter of seconds. I hate that i cant speak up about my beliefs or ideas because they are wrong. I hate that i love my friends parents and family more than my own. I hate that someone can be so wrapped up in their own world they will hurt others and not even care. I hate that i dread being home. I hate that i cant get away. I hate that people are hypocrites and are jesus freaks on sunday and abusive pieces of crap on monday. I hate that those with the issues and who are psychotic pretend to be perfect and people buy it. I hate the word love because it doesnt exsist.

I hate feeling hopeless. I hate crying and being weak. I hate watching things happen and not being able to fix them. I hate putting my feelings aside. I hate pretending i dont care when i really do. I hate being used. I hate faking a smile when inside i want to die. I hate that i have a secret that i dont know what to do with. I hate that i feel like i have no one to talk to. I hate being the one to encourage everyone when i want to cry myself. I hate that people cant respect my morals and decisions. I hate that no one can really see.

I hate that i dont let people get close to me. I hate that i cant love my family like everyone else can. I hate that music has become an escape to hide my pain. I hate that i want to drink until i drown. I hate that people can tell when im upset. I hate that i push people away. I hate that im scared. I hate that im scared of hurting people to the point i hurt myself. I hate that i let myself be put down. I hate letting myself be used and abused. I hate my past. I hate that im writing this.