cant give up.

There is nothing i find more frustrating than trying to jog and having so much pain in my chest that i stop breathing. I look around me at people who can go miles and the thing they complain about is their feet, I wish that was my problem. I hate so much knowing that i can do something, but not have the ability to, and jogging is no exception. I blame the fact that i am a perfectionist and the reason it makes me cry whenever i try because i always think maybe this time will be different, but after 3 minutes i feel like im having a heart attack and want to fall over because it hurts so bad. 3 minutes is such a short amount of time and i hate that. Alot of people take being able to walk for granted, but what makes me really upset is the people that take jogging for granted because they have the lungs for it. My stupid lung condition is really starting to affect my life and im realizing all the things i cant do, and wont be able to. I cant jog or run, my dream of doing a marathon is definetly out of the question, i cant jump on a trampoline and i even thought about joining the police academy but i now realize that will never happen because my lungs wouldnt be able to handle it, and the day i figured that out really crushed me. It has never been a big deal to me, something weird i have, which isnt unusual. If its rare or weird..i most likely have it. But now that i am getting older and thinking about what i want for my future, knowing i am limited because of something inside me is making me very discouraged.

I know i need to stop complaining because there are so many people that have problems that are SO much worse than mine, and i hate that something little like this is affecting me in such a big way. I am almost ashamed because if people who dont have legs or who have disfigured feet heard me complaining they would think i am crazy and im sure they would be pissed at me, i would be too.

So I am very thankful that something like Costochondritis is all i have to complain about, and i just have to keep telling myself it could be worse. But until i can start beliving that, my nightly jogs will consist of kesha and crying.